So I was working in the salt mines this week and I happened a glance down at my pickaxe. The words “*Warning – Cancer!” looked back up at me from my company-provided implement. It was a bit of a shock as I already have stage four cancer. I stole a moment at the risk of being noticed by Mr. Whip Cracker Guy and called the attention of Mrs. Coworker to come over to the extent of the chain on her ankle to meet me at the limit of my own tether and have a look at what I found.

Needless to say, she was shocked and inspected her own pickaxe to see if it also had the same foreboding warning of death from within, and she gasped. She went to show Mr. Coworker, no relation, on her opposite side what had been discovered and he too had the grim alert.

Mrs. Coworker drew the attention of Mr. Whip Cracker Guy and explained that she would like a word with Mr. Safety Guy. So Mr. Whip Cracker Guy told Mr. Brown Noser Guy to come and take over his duties of cracking the whip so he could go get Mr. Safety Guy, which really made Mr. Brown Noser Guy’s day.

Once Mr. Safety Guy made his way down to the mines and Mrs. Coworker showed her the engraved death announcement and mentioned there was an extremely hard working as well as handsome colleague who was already stricken with this wretched disease, Mr. Safety Guy interrupted Mr. Brown Noser Guy’s brutal whipping on me to come and explain that the reason for the warning was so that the pickaxe company could sell pickaxes in California who had implemented Proposition 65, and that said proposition forces any business to put this warning on any product if they want to sell it in California and I would have to eat a significant portion of my metal pickaxe in order to have any ill effects. Which made me think “I’ve eaten a lot of crazy things in my life, why hadn’t I considered that?”

Get To The Point Man!

So I tell you that absolutely true story in order to raise this question: Could California actually be causing cancer with Proposal 65?

Here me out, without proposal 65, companies would have to put a warning on their products if there was actually something in it that might cause cancer, right? And in seeing said warning, consumers would make smarter purchases. But if EVERYTHING in an environment had a meaningless warning on it, nobody would take it seriously, they would buy the product, and go about their day. But if something that actually did cause cancer was amidst said environment and consumers haphazardly purchased it that no longer saw these warnings as serious, then they are in greater danger than if only products that could cause cancer had the warning.

It is my summation that California’s overzealous bureaucracy is not only a danger to its own residents, but to the entire world who purchase the same products that are forced to cry wolf to placate them.

So What Should Be Done?

Well, in my own accurate opinion, California is gonna California and there’s really nothing that can be done to save it at this point. We should all just take our perfectly cancer-free pickaxes to the California border and start breaking it off.

Without that being done, the only other things that could be done are for manufacturers to come up with a new warning that states “Warning – Causes cancer only in California”, or they can just not sell to California until the residents of that state are so starved for products that only come from outside California, that they start picking up their own cancer-free pickaxes and walk down to their capital buildings and start demanding that the carcinogen that is Proposal 65 be thrown out.


This blog post will cause cancer only in California. It’s perfectly safe outside of California, so feel free to lovingly share it with your family and friends.

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